Went to distribute flyers with this dearest at town at xann's outlet . Alright , hard money . It's fucking hard money . But i enjoyed the day la .. Dont't you?! AHaaha . Talk and play around . okay what . But it's really hard earn money . Then we both went to buy shoes . (:
Then home to change and off to PH . Fucking drunk . So don't ask me what happened yesterday .
I know i'm happy (: Cause i'm not on the right mind . LOL .
Something bad must have happen , so i'm sorry for everything if there is .
Daddy asked if i want a dog , it's a wild dog?! LOL . But i think it's damn cute ...
Awwwww.
PS: Songs tell how a person is feeling .
Tuesday, April 27, 2010
If a guy gave you a refridgerator as a gift , what will your reaction be? You opened it and If the refridgerator is filled with flowers, what will your reaction be then ?
I think it's so sweet .
Do you even know what kind of flowers do i like?
Someone said "Don't love a person too much , it's scary ."
But if you love him untill a point whereby you can't stop loving him , it's more scarier that way .
What if one day the guy told the girl that they can't be together anymore and the guy had to leave once and for all .
What's gonna happen?
So what if one day the girl had no more patiences , time and energy to wait for the guy's answer anymore .
What's gonna happen next ?
A night with my precious . Pz and pris came over last night . Before that went for a supper with him . Like super short supper . So , we girls just chit chat and play around . watch funny videos and stuff . LOL . Like mad la . Ate mcup noodles and complain about my CUP NOODLES . And hello , i'm super good la . i slept on the floor with just one blanket and pillow . Like wtf ? So super duper good right. I think so too . Over slept and woke up this afternoon LOL .
Went out to town to meet xann for movie - Kick Ass and dinner . Met Sachi and ash too . Tomorrow i'm gonna work ! And go for party ! Like me and that peizhen ! LOL . Damn lonely . So what is FTW?
Tomorrow you gonna go PH? So tomorrow we'll be going as friends isn't it? Hmmm . wonder how it's going to be like .
PS: Even if you're not thinking of me , i'll alway be .
Webcam with these idiots . Some are so obsence la . Alright , it's damn it ugly =.=
Hi , Good to see myself normal again . So nice to have craving for food and sleep again .
But i hate it when i have craving .I ate too much ! Awwww. But it's somehow so nice to face my friend with the normal self .
I don't want them to see me down too . And when something isn't right ..
That day when i came home from meeting him , i had a sleep then i woke up feeling so hungry . After so long , it feels so great to have food inside my stomach . Then met allen for a talk . And when back to sleep again . Slept for kinda long . Then woke up and went to TW park for chee yau's birthday celebration. So nice to see my friends again. Peizhen wanted to go club so all of sudden we went to PH again LOL .
Chit chat with the girl - I love the way we 're now . (:
Was like Fucking drunk . Saw xann and gang . Something bad happen at first but , she was there when i'm down , drunnk. Thanks . Really , it's not that i don't appreciate what you did but i hope you understand that i really can't give you anything back in returns. And i don't know what to give you too . But i can be there when you'rre down too . Woke up at 5plus today . Went out with Agnes , tea , cy and allen . Went for dinner then for MJ . Talk and talk and talk . I like the way i am now . (: Then went to return car to joel with Allen . Smooth journey ! Haaa . Thanks Allen , he's the safest person you can put me with even in a room with just the both of us (:
Then i realise , actually the place that i went to is the place you brought to the first time we met . The petrol station there , you remember? We've nowhere to go so you drove there and keep thinking where to bring me to. Loads of stuff went thru my mind when i saw the place . It's too much to be said so everything 's just kept inside . To keep it safe . All these days i have been thru , it's nightmare . I don't know how much it might affect you, i really don't know how much it might hurts you . I wish i had known . But when i see the tears running in your eye , it hurts me a million times . To know that it actually breaks your heart .
I don't know how important i am to him . I don't how much i meant to him . I don't know how much he wants me . I don't how much he'll yearn for me . I don't know how much it hurts when i'm hurt . I don't know how much he meant when he say he meant what he says.. I could only see what i can see , hear what i can hear . I don't know strong is the love he had for me . I know he want me safe and happy . But if you asked me , is it as a friend who cares for one another or someone that really means something to him , i don't know..
I can break down a thousand times but i still have to get up at the end of the day. Like what people tells me "Even if you're sad or happy , you still have to live one more day .. " Which i agreed to but somehow , it isn't as easy as it seems to be .
Does distances make people move further from you or closer to you? What if one day .... All these waiting and pinning makes me numb ? And i decided not to wait anymore? Will you still tells me , you meant what you said? Saying all this isn't easy for me , and tears just rolled down. Or actually , you're just waiting for the day to come? The thought of you might leave me once and for all tear my heart into pieces. Those happy moment flashed back in my mind , I miss him . God , tell him i miss him can you? Let him feel the true heart , can you? I know he's trying to find back the feeling btw the both of them . What if what happen to me happens on her? How would he react ? what if one day i walked up to him and say " Hi dave , how have you been ?" What would it be like ?
What's the most painful thing you ever know? What's the most painful thing you ever do ?
What's the most painful reason you ever heard?
Well , all this doesn't seems to matter . Cling onto the painful memories, why not waste your time on the most beautiful ones?
Today was a hard day for the two of us . Maybe everyone ..
It's a terrible things to accept i know . But whose know , maybe it's all for the better?
Haven been eating and sleeping . No appetitte , can't sleep at all . LOL Serves myself rights !
He brought me out today . Lunch but , sorry i really can't eat. Then to hotel for some rest .
Just nothing , lying on your arms makes me feel safe once more . I don't know if i should say sorry . But , thanks for today . At least , i smiled again . Tears ? Tears are memories that i wanna forget so i let it go .
I'm feeling really tired . Shagged out ..
PS: You'll only feel the love when you made love with the one you loved (:
It's been like some times since that day he left . Depressing still .. I'm like fucking ruining my life upside down . Enjoying and suffering . I'll answer myself cause it's my life i'm playing with . But everything , everything gonna stop at this moment . I can't go on like this anymore . Whatever it is , everything have to end by today . This isn't the way to handle my body and life .. I don't what the hell is happening to me . I mean , i wish i still had my senses . I kind of hate myself to the core . No-one have to ask anything . Because i only have myself to answer to . I felt a total mess , like WTF . When i look myself in the mirror , i wish i were still the one 3 months back . But i know i'm not anymore . What done is done .
Damnit god ! I can't get to sleep . And i'm feeling kind of " I hate myself ! " . I just wanna be back to the one i am , craving for different food everyday . Sleep like nobody business . But the appetite isn't here anymore . Everything i see , i just feels like vomiting . I have to fucking get out of this shity life . This whole period is like a fucking shit thingy . What the hell am i actually doing all these while , suddenly forget the meaning of human .
After today , i realise how much it is to actually loved someone this much. It's like , althought it's over but , afterall your mind , your soul and your body still belongs to him . Its just sucks when the one holding on to you , touching you isn't the one that's in your heart . you'll just feel like crying whenever it isn't him that's beside you . Imagine when you opened your eye , the one isn't him . It's hard to imagine and it's hard to accept the facts too .
I need to really wake up and get away from all the stupid things that i've done all this moment . And yes , i regreted it ! Alright i'm being too naggy i guess . CAuse i feel it too .
PS: What 's done cannot be undone , one step wrong and it'll cost your whole life . Regrets and Guiltys are the worst thing you have to bring on for your whole freaking life . God knows how bad i feels .. But i deserved it . No matter how hard it is , i have to bring all these things that i've done for the rest of my life .There's no-one to blamed but ourselves . Please let me have a good sleep and make me forget every single thing , please !
Words are just words . Actions proved . I can see his text , believed and cry out like who cares .
Of cause , inside the heart it feels warm but it hurts a lil . Cause its feel like having a cotton candy in your mouth and anytime , it's gonna dissolved .
Don't tell me about future because the present have yet to be gone . Anyway , somehow . I miss you still .
Tell me how am i to forget you ? But if you want me to , i can .
I still don't \have the appetite for anything . But i must ...
I find myself silly , don't you think ?
I'm watching 下一站, 幸福 again . Why? Because he shows me this show that time and i like it .
untill today , i still do Maybe it's just because i wanna cry my lungs out =(
I wanna go to ph on wednesday . It's "our" routine isn't it . But this time (: , I'm going alone .
Perhap , the most beautiful memories are there and yes it is . (''=
Awww , i miss those night playing viwawa =(
"Actually you don't need to apologize to me. Because it's no use to opologize What gone is gone, the harm is done. Apologizing won't turn back time and it won't let what has happen to go away.. " :(
Slash a line on the wrist . See the blood flows . Feels the pain . Feels it once , feels it twice.
When it snap open again , You feel the pain thrice . It's bleeding again. It's painful .
but it hurts even more that i know he don't cares anymore . I'm sorry but i'm still adapting to it .
I don't know how long it might take . But i'll try .
Once upon a time , you were my everything .
You were the stars in the sky which i'll kiss goodnight to in the night .
You were the sun that i look upon the first thing when i open my eye in the morning .
You were the one i hoped to received texts and calls from .
You were the one who i want to romp the street with .
You were the one who i wants to lean on when i'm tired .
You were the one who i wish i could see when i'm tipsy .
You were the one who i wanna see the first and the last minutes of the day .
You were the one who i wanna give my smiles to .
You were the one who i trusted so much even untill this minutes ..
You were the one who hurts me the most .
Yet
You ARE the one i loved the most
='(
Million tears won't bring you back ..
Well , Looked thru all the last posted . The first time we went out is on 19jan.
Its gonna be 3 months but its seems rather long then 3months.
The " Sorry" that you said is more then " I love you " all this while .
But i'm fine though .
ITS OVER . IT'S ALL OVER , my love .
(:
-----------------------------------------------------------
Last happy meeting .
He left. Perhap it's the only greatest thing i could do . And i did ..
Sara's right . Why get drunk and being taken advantage of because you're upset over him? Why are we even so weak . Can't we just be as strong ? But still , somehow in the middle of the day . I'm just as weak as ever.
Thanks Xann for being mature ! Haa . I know you cares , then buy me lollipop ! (:
Peizhen - Isn't it right? We're supposed to the precious in everyone's eye . So we should be . Cheer up alright . I'll be there if u needed someone . (:
PS: He's still the one i can imagine walking down the aisle with. Tc (:
Friday, April 16, 2010
I've no-one to tell , no where to write it down . So i could only write it here and remembers it .
Maybe kel's sound some senses . He's right . This is love life . No matter what the consequences are , we have to accept it no matter how much you can't . If by the end of the day he really chose to leave , bear it in mind that its the choice that i've made . It's the right choice (: Let time prove. Let time shows how strong his love is for you . I decided to take the test ..
Let's have fun tonight . Just tonight . Let me be (=
I realise all the while , Its my jokes and my laughter that makes everything so wonderful .
Suddenly without it now, i'm so not used to it .
Don't you agreed? Sigh
Seriously,i'm getting far too paranoid nowadays .Maybe,I'm not . It's not imagination and stuff . ITs true that it's totally different now . Maybe cause That "She" 's coming back .. Maybe he's happy that she is .
Must we everyday be like this ? No but sorry i did tried my best .. And this is the best .
Went to Cine for Kbox and movie - Shutter Island .
Well , Fuck everything and stay cool . Join in the fun tonight and be happy . (:
And not to forget.. Get Drunk and Get Fucked-up .
I don't have appetite for anything at all..
I don't feel like doing anything at all . I don't feel like eating anything at all . If i could be as drunk like yesterday ..
I just wanna go for drinks and get drunk . Cry and laugh for all i care . How i wish my tear means everything to you..
But to be practical , it isn't . I know that it isn't .. No matter how much i tear , things still had to happen . The day will still comes .
I'm upset .. I am .
Weekend is coming . But this time , i don't hope it will come =(
Friends told me not to be heros .Because heros don't get good thing in returns .
But whats else can i do ? I'm so exhausted already .
But , am still going on ....
What am i supposed to do ? What can i do ? Sitting here like an idiot and hear you say you're going to pick her home when she's back? And what's gonna happen next?
Like , she's gonna stay at your place. Then you guys behaved like you used to be ? What about me ? Like , just really keep quiet and walk away?
Now you're asking what i want from you ? WHAT I WANT FROM YOU?! Do you fucking know what you're saying? I WANT NOTHING . NOTHING AT ALL . Happy?!
I totally feel like a bitch .
I can't get to bed , not even when i'd my medicine . I just can't get to sleep . But i wanted to . Because when one's alseep , mind won't be able to think so i won't be so lethargic .
Somehow i should be contented that you're actually here in my life . I shoud be greatful isn't it? And Yes i am . But at the same time i'm feeling melancholy too .
But i'm feeling kind of scared . Because weekend is coming . It's drawing nearer to me . Time seems to pass faster then it seems to be .
It's like borrowing a book from the library , and you haven't finished it but you have no time anymore . When the time is here , you have to return to where it came from . And keep it inside your heart that you actually owned this book for some times . Enough time for you to read those happy contents . Leave the bad-saddening ending behind and returned to where it should belong . And , borrow another book ... Or head back to those books that you used to owned .And read it over again ..
But he isn't a book where i could just borrow again and again .
I wanted to write the ending myself . But it ddoesn't belong to me alone ..
I'll stay happy for the time is up and i could never find back the feeling and time anymore . Once it's ended , it'll never come back again .
And it's like when you drop at the wrong station and you miss that someone important but when you headed back , the person' s gone . And you might never find it back ever again ..
I gave my very best . It's like the world's ending but it's not . Time won't stop for you , You stop for the time .
PS: I cherished and loved the book that i borrowed . But it's time i should returned to where it should be .. With or without regrets , it's something that i should do . Well , saying is easy . I don't know if i could ever do so .. It's over the word "Love" . Its more than just a bloody word. I can't go on without you ..
"If I am pressed to say why I loved him, I feel it can only be explained by replying: `Because it was he; because it was me.'" It's how beutiful my love is , for you .
NIGHTMARES .. BAD DREAMS .
Fuck them !
I'LL JUST KEEP QUIET AND WALK AWAY , ALONE BECAUSE I LOVE YOU SO ..
=(
Monday, April 12, 2010
FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND DON'T REGRET.
Isnt this all that matters? Sigh
Have been staying at home this whole afternoon to finish reading the book - " The Summer I Turned Pretty ".
Finished and i'm like inside the stories and am kind of upset . Basically , its a nice story for the summer . Well , its about the summer anyway . How great if we could just stay by the beach and chill out . Having no worries , no nothing ..
PS: Every wars prepared themselves for the worst , so am i . I need no lies , i need no sweet talking . I just need someone who really love me with his heart, mind and soul . Not anyone else . Its driving me to the walls . And i guess i need nothing more else . I don't need you as well . I'm doing good ..
So , will you remember the first time we had a quarrell ? (:
So the saying was true , what starts at place ends at a place .
Well , i'm cool . And i'm gonna stay away from all of them tonight . perhaps tomorrow too . I'm kind of tired . And am not feeling well too ..
Xann - I will remember cleary what you did last night (: And like i said . You know me best . I just need a hug when i'm gonna cry and this is the first time you remember what i said . Thanks . Just let me be alone tonight . Sorry for not replying and stuff . Me too , need sometimes alone ..
PS: If i have the courage , i wish i'm not in this world now . I just wanna go somewhere else . Not here .
I officially slept at 7am this morning . Weather been too freaking hot and it's getting me pissed off. Why not just sleep naked everyday . Damn the weather man. And stop having fast food man ! Its getting too heaty .
Well , i'm feeling sleepy now already .
Headed to Lot One with love for movie - Date Night . Super nice movie (:
Its a love comedy .
PS: Sometimes its about how you speak and you showed . Its not about keeping quiet and keep it inside your heart. (:
Sometime , i just wanna be alone . But sometimes i love big company (:
I love going out on a date with my loved-one .
It just feels so good being on the street , just me and the one . But sometimes , i don't like being on the streets . I prefer sitting at one corner in a cafe talking and chatting or doing or other stuff . Rather then being on the street and there's actually nothing to do . If you know me , this is what i prefered (:
Been long since i received lollipop. Been sometimes since i last pop a lollipop in m mouth .
Weather hasn't been really nice man . Hot and cold . Hot and cold . Like it's killing people !
Awww , i feel like having a swim now . It's been long since i had my night sswim too already .
Was supposed to go KL with them every year. But guess not this year ..
It's not about escaping . it's just , there's already nothing more to talk about . So , what's the point .
Well , of cause i miss them , i still do (: But no point being self-sided . So move on (:
If people don't know how to remembered and appreciated thing , let them be . Hahaha ..
Just don't let people look down on you , especially someone whose so closed to you before . (:
I'm going sentosa on staurday ! Here i come ..
When do you wanna bring me to jb or kl or a stayed in ?! hais
Wednesday, April 7, 2010
Will he remember the first time when i first saw him?
Will he remember the first time i look him into his eyes?
Will he remember the first time i touches his hands?
Will he remember the first time we danced ?
Will he remember the first time we kissed?
Will he remember the first time i hugged him?
Will he remember the first time we lay on bed and doing nothing?
Will he remember the first time i cried?
Will he remember the first places we went?
Will be remember every first time ...
Maybe i shouldnt be like a baby , i should just jolly well be matured like all of us should be ..
(:
Had this weird feeling for days . It's somehow hard to explain how it feels . I don't feel myself , that's the only way to say about how i feels. I guess i need a life . I'm like Fucking wasting my time staying at home doing nothing at all . Yeah , i did . Like housework?! F it .
I suddenly have the urged to have someone hugging me from the back when i'm sleeping . Someone puting me to bed . Reading stories and singing song when i fall alseep to bed . Suddenly feels like being a lil baby , how wonderful it can be (:
Nobody have ever let me felt love never comes in 1st place .
I have alway been doing the talking i guess? Because i don't want having me beside you and we've nothing to talk about . That's what i fear the most . We've been thru R/S . So we should actually know the whole process of being in a relationship . Which i hope it doesn't applies to you and me .
You asked me before whats my dream . Well , i have of cause . Simple like any other girls .
Find someone we loves/love us , get married , have babies ..
"Simple" Is not as simple as we thought .
Had a lil argument about this question though .. " Would you live one perfect day over and over Or live with no perfect days but with decents life " Well , i would live a decent life rather then one perfect day over and over because i could still hope for that one perfect day to come . Guess what the dumbass told me . " Decent life because there's no perfect days " I was like =.=|zzzZ . I agreed though but , sometime in life , we knew we had to be practical but we controls the words in our mouth so we don't have to be so practical at times right? lalalalalalalalalaaa ~
PS: The feeling for you feels the same when i first met you , what about you? Sometime i'll actually think of the first few time we went out . Like , we both know we're tired . And there's no where to go but still rather drive the car around . For me , because its a moment which i wish i could stays ..
Sunday - Went movies with Allen And to dinner at Siam Kitchen . Nice food over there (: But the movie totally suck . First time , I ever ever seen a movie this sucks . * Another Pandora box * . Fucking stupid la . Just don't freaking watch this movie =.= |z .. Then to library , borrow stories book . Like , wow . Suddenly feels like reading a book . I like it though . It's nice . (: . Hey Allen ! I'm reading it okay . Haa. He just bet that i won't even open the book la .
Monday - Went for interview that Kelvin introduced at Tiong Bahru Plaza . Not too bad afterall . Met up with kunming after that . Went for movies and dinner too .Oh well , i watched Clash Of The Titans again . But i watched it in 3D this time . I loved that show anyway , It's kinda good , i guess? Not too bad . But well people still complains la . But just take it man. hahaha. Well , it's been long since i went out with him after we broke off the other time . It's been long too . Like 3 years? Haa . He still haven't really changed in a bit ! Haaaa . Alright stoped this . Chill again man ! (: .
Well , For me , things have been quite stabled i guess ? Still the same .It's good that it stays the same actually . Actually we haven't really been talking about stuff . we only talks when we were on the bed going to sleep . That's the time we really talks (: Hmmm , i kind of like that feeling though . I bet he's kind of tired these days . Need settle his stuff and his works thingy ~ So i'm fine too actually :) .
Mom just suddenly pop a question to me which i don't know how to answer her too , i just told her what i need to say . And it actually kept me thinking too . But well , it doesnt really matters ..
Awwwww , i saw one top that i like at plaza today . But i'm freaking broke .. LOL .
Alright . Off i go now .
In love with the song - Baby Girl By Inner Voices.
Went Town with love and jason last night for movies * Clash Of The Titans * Kinda nice movie (:
. And had our super supper a youth park. .
Sometimes people have to mind what they have to say . Like someone , Who should be " Maure " enough to think , Please mind your languages and your words . If you want people to respect you , respect people which you never . Childish (: Think you're too bored . Then find something useful to do (: Stop talking about people behind their back , like be MATURE enough for your age (= . Nuff said , There's retribution for everything . This is my Blog , I own it so i have my say HERE !
Yaya , people are judge by their age . But i don't think so , hahahaha . Actions and words proved it (:
Well ,When i's time to stop , STOP . Stop being so so inmatured .
So love , Happy already ? Got your baby back ler wor ~ (:
Good to see you smile again .. Went Ms for lunch and yet , awwww , Terrible food . Currry noodle taste fucking suck . It doesn't look like curry anyway . Avoid That curry noodle stall at MS @ foodcourt .
Went Ph last night , everything was great . Brother Desmond ordered Flaming Lambo and we drank together . Nice .. Hmmmm But after drinking so much alcohol .. Hahahahah .
AND PLEASE HAVE YOUR DINNER BEFORE YOU GO DRINKING , HUITING . (: LOL
Am going to town with love and jason ~ Ciaoz .
